Thursday, January 30, 2014

How I Got the Virus?

I knew exactly what HIV was. How it’s transmitted, and how to avoid it. I read a lot of articles about it. So, I have been extra careful when having sex. But, how did I get infected? I swear… I don’t know!

My first HIV test was in 2006. It was non-reactive. Back then, HIV result comes out in 2 weeks. Imagine waiting for 2 weeks for the result. Torture! Para kang natatae na ewan. And for that alone, I vowed to even be more careful, so I won’t have to ever be fearful of the test again. And I complied. No unprotected penetrative sex. Very minimal “performing” oral sex, if none at all.

After 1 year, I got a scholarship for a masters degree in Japan. I was still undecided if I’m gonna take it. But while deciding, I started taking medical exams already, including HIV. Though I have been safe, I was fucking nervous! And the result was… drum roll... non-reactive! Hooray!

It felt so good! I had total peace of mind. From then on, I continued with my sex “motto”. No unprotected penetrative sex, period. Non-negotiable! And oral sex, where I’m the giver? Very minimal. Only in super rare cases. Why? Eh nakakangalay naman talaga. Hehe. And, I believe that there are always “micro open sores” in your mouth especially after brushing, even if you don’t have any visible mouth ulcers (singaw). I even remember one time, a very good looking well-built latino (a flamenco dancer) that I met in a bar wanted a head. I refused, for fear of HIV. So, nothing happened. Damn, opportunity loss!

Kissing... well yeah, I normally kiss. But that's because I can still remember Juan Flavier (DOH secretary) talking on TV back in the 90's saying that even if you drink a gallon of saliva from a PLHIV, you wouldn’t get infected.

So, how did I get it? My theory, maybe through kissing when I had mouth sores, especially in a “session” with more than 2 persons. You see, if a person blows someone, the semen could stay in the blower's mouth. If the blower kisses me and I had a singaw, that could be an entrance for the semen. I don't have any scientific basis for this. But that's my only logical theory on how I got it.

So, in 2013, when I found out I’m positive, I was so fucking surprised! All these years, I’ve been extra careful, yet I got infected? So unfortunate! My friends even know me as a promoter of safe sex.

Anyway, when my test turned out reactive, acceptance came easy. I’m not mad at the person who infected me. Well, in the first place, I don’t know who infected me. Sex is consensual, and protecting yourself if your business, not your partner’s. Unless if it’s rape! 

I have been safe, yet I got the virus. I have been doing less riskier sex for years. Unfortunately, low risk is not zero risk. In life, it’s about weighing the risk we take, and facing the consequences of the decisions we make. Truly, there is only one zero risk for HIV. Remain virgin for life! Is it worth it? You decide.