Today, I skipped work to get my CD4 result. My last CD4 test was 3 months ago, where I got a count of 90 from a low of 15 another three months back. So, I was so excited to get my new result. I was expecting that I'd get a CD4 of > 200. If I get a count from 130-199, I would be a little disappointed, but would still be thankful about it.
I have been preparing myself for this result. In fact, last night, I even dreamed about it. I dreamed that I got a flat 200 CD4. So, I said, it's a sign that I'm getting a good number today.
So, I braved the EDSA traffic to go to PGH-SAGIP. I spent 30 minutes waiting for a parking slot. Then, finally I got to SAGIP. I waited. Finally, the nurse gave me the result. I couldn't see the count as she was holding the paper. So, I asked her, where's the count? She said, it's there! It's 77.
I'm a positive person. But a CD4 count of 77 made me feel REALLY sad! I was expecting a 200. A count of 150-199 would make me a little sad. Now this? 77! 13 count lower than my previous CD4? What happened? I'm taking my meds regularly. Is my ARV not suited for me? Am I too stressed out at work? Do I have to change my ARV? Or is it just the curse of Friday the 13th? Unfortunately, I couldn't consult my doctor as she was not in the clinic. Will wait until next week to know her opinion.
I have always been positive. But today, I'm really sad. It's Christmas season. And, this result is telling me that I still won't be able to go out, join Christmas get-togethers, attend Christmas parties, see the bright lights of Ayala, and do the shopping rush this year. Anyway, I'm giving myself a license to be sad for today, and today only! I'm signing off now. Tomorrow, this will change. My mood will be better. I'll just bring back my positive outlook tomorrow.
Oh... I'm hearing children's carols outside!