Bulaklaking Taxi

I had my car serviced last weekend. So I booked a cab using GrabTaxi. Interesting, the driver's name is Richard Bulaclac. Then came the cab. 

His cab totally transported me into a different world. A whole bunch of bulaklak around me! Para akong nasa Santacruzan. O parang damit daw ni MJ Lastimosa! :) 

Avengers Weekend

Last week was the weekend before Labor Day. It was an Avengers weekend. All cinemas were literally showing The Avengers! So, I bought my tickets online. Seats for 2, reserved! While watching, I tried to recall when my last movie in a cinema was? Hmmm.. guess what? It was a year ago! Another Marvel hero movie, Captain America! Huwaat? So only one cinema last year? 

How about the year before? Ohhhh... it was another Marvel movie, on Labor Day of 2013! Yes, that’s right! it was another Marvel movie. I remember clearly! That was my last movie before AIDS attacked me so hard! I remember clearly that I was breathing hard when I walked up the cinema stairs. Misdiagnosed by my “not so good” ex-Med City doctor as asthma, which turned out to be an AIDS-related pneumonia. Anyway, that’s already past! I have a lengthy blog on that. 

Now, 2 years after my HIV diagnosis, here I am again, in a cinema on a pre-Labor Day weekend. But things are so… so different now!

So many things happened in 2 years... like a movie climax, stretched in 2 long years. Peaks and valleys of my life. I had several AIDS infections (OI's). I filed a 6-month medical leave. I’ve recovered from my illnesses. I have gained my lost weight. Ugly skin's dark spots disappeared. Lost some loved ones. But the biggest difference of them all - I now know I’m positive.

Yes, I'm positive. But believe it or not, I have more peace of mind now than ever. Three years ago (a year before my diagnosis), I was so restless. Even if I still didn't have any OI's then, at the back of my mind, there's this lingering thought that had constantly been bothering me. That I could be positive! Yet, despite that, I refused to have the "Test." I feared ELISA so much! For I thought HIV means death (which is certainly not!). And if I were positive, how would I tell my partner? My family? And the stigma that follows... unimaginable! The mere thought of it was giving me so much stress!

Now, I'm positive. Confirmed. And I know it. Yet I’m more at peace than my pre-diagnosis years. For my virus is now under control. Thanks to ARV, viral load is already undetectable. Immune system (CD4)  has recovered. All the stuff that I stopped doing due to my Stage 4 AIDS and my very low CD4 have gone completely back… mall, badminton, gym, work, travel!

And most of all... what gave me peace was the acceptance and support I got from my family, partner and 4 close friends. I underestimated their capacity to understand and accept me unconditionally. 3 years back, I was so restless. Now, I'm a person living with HIV.  Yet, all fears are gone. I love my peace now!  I should have taken that HIV test long before my HIV became AIDS. I shouldn't have been bothered, worried, restless, "out of peace" all those years! I could have avoided those serious and costly OI's which could have taken my life. That's my grave mistake, I know! As for the others, they need not go my way. Free HIV test is in all corners of the country!

Oh, by the way, did I say that The Avengers was such a borta feast? The bods of Thor and Captain America... Fuck! Even Jeremy Renner and Robert Downey Jr., pwede pa rin :)

Covey's Circle of Influence

I just attended a Franklin Covey training course. One topic was about Circle of Influence. In summary, Stephen Covey says that: "Your Circle of Influence includes those things you can affect directly. Your Circle of Concern includes all those things you care about but over which you have little or no control."

I found this topic interesting. Very applicable not just to my professional life, but to my personal & pozzie life as well.  

Looking back,  I asked, how did I handle my HIV diagnosis? How did I recover? Then, I realized I used Covey's Circle of Influence model. Yes, my HIV is a Circle of Concern... the virus is already in my body. There's nothing I can do with it. It has no cure (at least as of yet). It is undeniably a Circle of Concern! Something I can't control. But hey, no matter how high my viral load was then, there was still a space for Circle of Influence - things I can control.

So what are my Circle of Influence?

1. Managing HIV. HIV is uncurable. Accept it! But no matter how strong this virus is, it still leaves some Circle of Influence with it! HIV can be controlled! By taking ARV daily, the virus will stop multiplying, and decrease to almost zero level, making its number uncountable by modern test equipment due to its almost zero value. ARV is definitely my Circle of Influence!

2. Depression. HIV is deadly, highly stigmatized, and quite embarrassing to tell to anyone! Surely, one can easily fall into depression upon diagnosis. Had I fallen into this trap,  HIV's Circle of Concern would have gotten bigger... exponentially, eating up the space occupied by my Circle of Influence. Had I been depressed, it would have given me more stress, which would affect my immune system, which would make me even more prone to other sicknesses and OI's, which would give me even more stress. It's a vicious cycle that will make Circle of Concern get bigger and bigger, until I lose hope, stop fighting and die!  But luckily, I chose the other path... to fight on. Depression is a decision. It's not a Circle of Concern, but rather a Circle of Influence! I chose not to be depressed, I chose to keep a positive outlook. This gave me peace. This reduced my stress, which in turn helped boost my immune system. So, I was OI-free for quite some time, until my CD4 recovered to a much safer level from my baseline or 14.

3. Healthier Lifestyle & Prophylaxis. Certainly a Circle of Influence. Ample rest + No alcohol + Proper diet + No smoking... they boosted my immune system. Strictly taking propylaxis as prescribed, no matter how many, how costly and how strong their side effects are, guarded me from deadly OI's, while my immune system was severely compromised. 

4. Happiness. Most of all, I didn't let HIV stop myself from being happy! Happiness is a choice! I chose to be happy. It is definitely a Circle of Influence!

Result: my Circle of Influence kept getting bigger and bigger, eating up some space previously occupied by Circle of Concern. Soon, my viral load will forever remain undetectable. My CD4 will multiply to an even much safer level. And my HIV Circle of Concern will just be a dot as compared to the colossal Circle of Influence - A pebble in humongous Jupiter!

"When people focus on things they cannot control, they have less time and energy to spend on things they can influence. Consequently, their Circle of Influence shrinks." - Stephen Covey --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8LM4C1l70U

2014 was the year when I...

January 2014, I posted a blog “2013 was my worst year ever” for having been hospitalized 3 times, staying more than 1.5 months in total in hospitals, and for being seriously ill (almost died type of illnesses) with Stage 4 AIDS-related infections.

So, what has 2014 been to me? I was thinking of writing 2014 was an even worse year than 2013. Why? 2013, I was in the brink of death, but I survived. In contrast, 2014 was not totally fortunate. I lost not one, but 2 family members in one quarter.

But, in hind sight, I refuse to make 2014 as my worst year ever. Rather, I would say that 2014 is my Come Back Year! From two painful losses of loved ones, and from my downiest down in 2013 healthwise, 2014 is the year when I recovered. Recovery from AIDS. Recovery from my loss. 2014 is the year when I gained my life back! 

Which made me want to revise 2013…. looking back, I realized that my diagnosis and illnesses didn’t happen in 2013 for no reason at all. Had I not been diagnosis as positive in 2013, I wouldn’t have moved back to my parents’ house in that year. I wouldn’t have spent time being at home and just home (not even working and going to malls for 6 months) with my family for almost a year before I lost a parent and lola forever. Although it was a rough 2 years for us, the crises were just well-timed. There were meticulously timed gaps allowing for recovery both financially and emotionally. Truly, everything happens for a reason.

Indeed, 2014 is a year I came back.  This super late year-end blog is an effect. Written 1 month late, for I’ve been so busy as how I used to be: work, friends, family, partner, mall, gym, FB, but of course without alcohol, bar, and saunas. Oh… I guess it’s time to bring back Church!  :)

Intimate Noche Buena

I so love Christmas… the happiest time of the year! Christmas tree, decors, “cold” weather, carols, gifts, bibingka, Christmas parties,  Christmas bonus, Noche Buena. I love everything about Christmas, except one -- Christmas Shopping!

I despise it! Especially, because it’s too difficult for me to shop for gifts for women. Obviously, not for my girlfriend, but for my inaanak, sisters, mom, and lola.  I even remember 2 years ago, I was still in SM Makati 20 minutes before their closing time, on the 24^th of December, buying a gift for my lola! That was literally a last minute shopping! And, I had the biggest smile in the world when my last gift was wrapped with ribbon and placed under the tree!

This year, Christmas shopping was a breeze. I beat my personal record, and finished my Christmas shopping by December 21th. Yes, I finished it all 4 days before Christmas. Mission Accomplished!

But ironically, I’m not ecstatic. It feels different, so different! Of course, I’m glad I’ve finished my annual shopping chores. But it’s just so damn weird that I finished it early. And it feels sad. So sad.

I miss braving the crowd of Glorietta and Megamall to find those last minute perfect gifts on the 23^rd and 24^th of December. I miss analyzing for days the best gifts to give to these women. And most of all… I miss the persons who should be receiving the gifts. The 2 persons that I lost this year. My mom and my lola.

But life goes on. It’s Noche Buena on the 24^th! Sadly, there are now two empty seats in our dining area.  10 less gifts under the tree. Two less persons in the family portrait. Two less laughter and voices on Christmas eve.

But hey… I shouldn’t be sad. It’s still Christmas! And guess what…. while we are having our intimate Noche Buena at home, they are having an even grander party up there with the celebrant himself. Awesome! And of course... I should be happy for the 2nd life, and that I'm still celebrating Noche Buena with my family.

Have a blessed Christmas! 

Mercury Buffet

Glaxo, Pfizer, Unilab, Sandoz, Rhea, Globaxol.... these have become household names. No, I'm not a doctor, nor am I a med rep. But, because I've been their loyal customer for 1.5 years. 

18 months back, I was a drug-addict. Not with shabu, but with RX drugs, literally taking tons of meds every single day, contributing 16K to the bottomline of the pharma companies every month, when I was battling with AIDS. 

My daily planner then was not filled with meetings... but with drugs, starting from the time I open my eyes with the jingle of Kris TV, to the time I close them with Banana Nights. Excluding meds through IV. 

Literally, I was swallowing a cup-full of tablets every single day, forcing myself to swallow that nauseous smell of fluconazole. Well, that fluconazole alone, costs like a Yakimik meal. So, I just told myself that it's a buffet in a capsule. Its name sounds Korean/Japanese to me anyway! And that Azithromycin that gave me instant LBM was like a big mac in a tablet! 

But, I never gave up! I followed my doctor's instruction carefully, never missing any dose! Slowly, the pharmas and Mercury started to earn less from me.

First eviction came 2 months after. The first evictee: Rimactazid. From 2 tabs, it's down to 1 a day! And that Yakimix capsule, was slashed down to 2 tabs a day. Great, with this, I can now afford 2 yummy buffets a day!

After another 2 months, Rimactazid's dosage was reduced further! 

After another 3 months. Rimactazid was downgraded to Isoniazid! A pleasant surprise indeed, for I didn't know that Isoniazid costs only 6% of Rimactazid. Now, I can afford one additional La Fiesta buffet every month! 

Today, after another 12 months, I went to my doctor with my CD4 result! From a baseline of 14, my count is now 150! So, my doctor declared a forced eviction!

From now on, Azithromycin & Fluconazole are out! My two most expensive prophylaxis! The savings will now afford me a Sofitel buffet with my partner, and 1 Viking's buffet every month! What a pleasant birthday and Christmas gift for December! Can't wait to taste real foie gras, manchego, rib eye, hakaw, rockefeller oyser, jamon serrano, and that chewy chocolate chip cookies from Sofitel's gluttonous table!   

Thanks Azythromycin & Fluconazole. You have served me well! And, I'm really getting emotional now. Not that I'm gonna miss A&F. But I just realized that I was almost in my death bed 18 months back. Now, I'm so full of life! Thanks Doc! Thanks PGH! Thanks to my family and friends! Thanks pharma companies! and Thank You Lord!  And watch out.... cotri and isoniazid, you are next in line! 

Now... it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! 

First Travel as a Pozzie

I know that Singapore is not HIV friendly. They deport PLHIV if they found out they're positive. Unfortunately, I needed to go to Singapore for a business trip. My first ever trip as a pozzie. What do I do?

Fortunately, an SG-based pinoy member replied to my question on TRR. Now, I have a plan. Keep my ARV and 4 prophylaxis antibiotics in my check-in luggage. In case it gets delayed, this TRR member will lend me his ARV until my luggage arrives. No need to worry carrying my meds in my hand-carry bag. Relax!  

So, everything went on smoothly at Changi Airport. Even if I was randomly picked to put my luggage in the Custom's x-ray machine, I had no problem getting in the city - me and my meds.

At last, I'm in Singapore! The ultra clean city, wide roads, efficient transportation, disciplined pedestrian. The almost robotic and perfect city that I wanted to live in years ago. Unfortunately, living here is no longer possible for me as a pozzie. 

As I sit in the taxi to reach my hotel, I started to reminisce my last travel before I got sick of AID-related illnesses. Incidentally, that was also in Singapore! I remember clearly how bad my breathing was at that time. Getting my luggage from the conveyor caused breathing problems, like an asthma attack.  Same thing happened when I put my 15-kilo luggage in the compartment of a taxi. I even avoided MRT stations with no escalators as climbing stairs would make me grasp for air. Merely walking along the long air-conditioned hall of Cityhall link made me stop several times to rest before proceeding. And outside Outram station, I remember not crossing a huge road when there was even 15 seconds remaining before the pedestrian traffic light turns red - walking fast would cause shortness of breath. All these because of pneumonia, which I still didn't know I had at that time. 

Suddenly, the taxi driver said "Here lah!" I paid 20 bucks and got my 30-kilo luggage from the compartment quickly! Wow, it was effortless. I tried to cross the busy Orchard Road. But the pedestrian light was blinking faster... 10 seconds on the timer. Without hesitation, I ran with my luggage and carry-on bag. Don't wanna wait for the next green light. I made it in time before the light turned red. No sweat. After I checked-in at my hotel, I strolled along Orchard, to find a place to eat. I've walked almost the entire stretch of Orchard. This time, I'm sweating. But no, not because of breathing problems, but for walking almost a kilometer under the humid climate of Singapore! I really feel so normal now... very far from the asthmatic state I had last year! I have indeed fully recovered from AIDS. 

  

Then, I finally had dinner. A fit and sexy Singaporean in tank top walked in front of my table! Damn! Apart from the city view, this is also what I really missed. Fit Singaporeans, no tummies, walking in tight fitting shirts scattered in all corners of Singapore! This country is so obsessed in gym and fitness, and it's just so amazing! I better start working out seriously when I get back in Manila. :)